Live with chronic disease

Challenge of a chronic disease

This morning I read a sad news about a suicide attempt by an actor in the popular sit-com, “Seinfeld”. Daniel Bargen ,61, a diabetic, upon the bad news from the hospital, he decided to take his own life. He was told to go to the hospital and have at least 2 toes amputated.

Having a chronic disease is no fun. I have been a type 2 diabetic for years, and still have difficulty to live with it. The demand for diet, exercise besides medication can be overwhelming from time to time. It’s not about occasional dieting and exercising, it’s day in and day out, all year round rigorous routine of eating right and exercise. There are times of exhaustion from all these hassle and sweat; your will power reached the breaking point, and you can’t help it. Only so much your will power can handle. It significantly took away the joy of life sometimes. One night, after a whole day of dieting, most of it were veggies and meats, fruits and carbohydrates are luxuries tome, I am in a depressive mood, feeling no hope for the future. On top of that, after carefully watch my diet all day, still I had exercise routine undone. Life had become torments for me. What I can look forward to is day-in and day-out of hard work. So I had reached another low point, and I found myself desiring death more than living like this. When I lay my head on the pillow that night,I secretly prayed to God to do me a favor taking my life away; I am just so tired of living and didn’t want to see tomorrow’s sunshine.

I can’t imagine anyone can live with a life threatening chronic disease without feeling depressed or even suicidal sometimes. Please give your family members, relatives, friends, and co-workers with chronic diseases some support and encouragement . Believe me, they need it even they appear strong and doing fine. And I strongly encourage whoever has chronic disease to get into groups with the same or similar situations. Sometimes they understand you better than your family. Without support, you may get even more isolated and depressed. Faith in God definitely helps also, since it gives you a broader perspective than the disease itself. Life should not all wrap around the disease, and we don’t live for the disease only. It seems easier for life to be defined by it if we don’t have a purpose for our lives.

Shall we rise up to the challenge, live our lives to the fullest possible, and be a hero on our own right?

Marriage

How to live with a people pleasing spouse

You saw him compliant to every request, either from family members, friends, acquaintances,  or even strangers, you name it. There is simply not the word “NO” in his vocabulary, and his bones. One friend calls it “soft bones”;  in Chinese, you call it “rotten good man”, in English you call it a “wimp”. It’s deep rooted in the person’s personality, and it seems no one even supernatural God can help it. After  numerous  arguments one after another to no avail, Jane saw no hope for the future, and the realization alone could just drove her into deep and prolonged depression. On top of that, if  life would throw at her other disappointments, all together would be so overwhelming that take away her will to live.  Her husband’s long history of sacrificing Jane’s wish/desire for the sake of pleasing his parents, relatives, friends had got to that point numerous times through her marriage life. What choices is left for her? Either divorce, commit suicide or live in pain FOREVER! 

Seeing no positive options left for her, in desperation, secretly Jane even tried to pray for her husband’s death, but that didn’t work out well of course.

The turning point: realizing  that she has to take responsibility for her own happiness; it’s her job, and no one else will do it for her.  She has to build up a life which brings her self respect and fulfillment. on the realization, she started to de-attatch herself from her husband’s long rooted issue and focus more on her own life-her purpose of life. discovery of her talents, interests, friendships, and pursuits of happiness without her spouse. It’s not a selfish life but an meaningful and fulfilling life. 

Tough Love–For those who are fearful.

Relationship is our bread and butter, without it we can not self sustain.  While relationship is to us like water to fish, we also suffer greatly from it.  We wonder how to make relationships work? We need the courage to take some risks.

One day Jane made a very courageous decision, I decided to confront my mother who has long history of verbal abuse toward her. Her mother simply hated her guts, condemned her of not being pretty and ambitious, mocked at her in front of and behind people, yet there were periods of loving motherly care as well, and for that occasional loving, I

She found it hard to confront her for her verbal put-downs.  Finally, during one phone conversation, she dared to confront her and was intimidated by her expressing her desire to  kill herself.  All she did was just a mild rebuke of her occasional “bad temper” and that already upset her mother.  Even that mild rebuke invited her threat of suicide. She hung up on her mother, and resolved not to call her again just for some attention which always turned into another hurting and  disappointing experience.  She knew what the risk was–She may not even have the few  occasions of attention and loving again. The stake seemed high,and the thought of offending your own mother and being rejected forever was scary! but surprise, surprise!

She not only  eliminated the future hurts forever, but also her self-esteem suddenly shot up high to her amazement.  It proved to be good much more than bad for her.

The imagined feared devastation didn’t happen, instead She felt relieved from the bondage to compliance all her life. It’s liberating. She have grown more confidence, more resourceful and more energy to pursue whatever her dreams are.  It all happened when she drew a line  between her and her mother. “Your way of manipulation, put downs is not acceptable to me. Treat me with respect or you don’t hear from me.” “I’ll learn to pursue my happiness, self-worth without you if I have to.” “You don’t have that same old power over me anymore.”  What a triumph!