Relationship is our bread and butter, without it we can not self sustain. While relationship is to us like water to fish, we also suffer greatly from it. We wonder how to make relationships work? We need the courage to take some risks.
One day Jane made a very courageous decision, I decided to confront my mother who has long history of verbal abuse toward her. Her mother simply hated her guts, condemned her of not being pretty and ambitious, mocked at her in front of and behind people, yet there were periods of loving motherly care as well, and for that occasional loving, I
She found it hard to confront her for her verbal put-downs. Finally, during one phone conversation, she dared to confront her and was intimidated by her expressing her desire to kill herself. All she did was just a mild rebuke of her occasional “bad temper” and that already upset her mother. Even that mild rebuke invited her threat of suicide. She hung up on her mother, and resolved not to call her again just for some attention which always turned into another hurting and disappointing experience. She knew what the risk was–She may not even have the few occasions of attention and loving again. The stake seemed high,and the thought of offending your own mother and being rejected forever was scary! but surprise, surprise!
She not only eliminated the future hurts forever, but also her self-esteem suddenly shot up high to her amazement. It proved to be good much more than bad for her.
The imagined feared devastation didn’t happen, instead She felt relieved from the bondage to compliance all her life. It’s liberating. She have grown more confidence, more resourceful and more energy to pursue whatever her dreams are. It all happened when she drew a line between her and her mother. “Your way of manipulation, put downs is not acceptable to me. Treat me with respect or you don’t hear from me.” “I’ll learn to pursue my happiness, self-worth without you if I have to.” “You don’t have that same old power over me anymore.” What a triumph!